What Does Poor Communication In Marriage Look Like?

Prof. Chaz Pollich IV

27 Jul, 2025

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Name : Prof. Chaz Pollich IV
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In any lasting partnership, the way people talk to each other truly shapes the connection. It's like the air a marriage breathes, too it's almost. When that air gets thick with unspoken words or sharp remarks, the whole relationship can feel stifled, you know? Understanding what goes wrong with talking in a marriage is the first big step toward making things better, that is that.

Many couples find themselves in a place where conversations feel heavy or just plain missing, more or less. They might wonder why they keep having the same arguments, or why they feel so distant even when sharing the same home, you know? It’s a common challenge, and recognizing the signs of communication trouble is incredibly helpful, like your.

Just as understanding the small distinctions in language, like knowing when to use "do" versus "does," can make a big difference in clear communication, the seemingly small things in how we talk in marriage can really shape everything. My text explains that "do and does are two words that are often used interchangeably, but they have different meanings and uses." In a similar way, seemingly small missteps in how we express ourselves can lead to big problems, basically.

Not Really Listening to Each Other
Frequent Mix-Ups and Misunderstandings
Avoiding Important Conversations
Pointing Fingers and Blaming
The Silent Treatment and Pulling Away
A Shortage of Kind Words
Keeping Score of Past Wrongs
Dismissing What the Other Person Feels
Assuming and Guessing What Others Think
Stuck in Bad Talk Habits
Questions People Often Ask
Moving Towards Better Ways of Talking

Not Really Listening to Each Other

One of the clearest signs of communication trouble is when partners don't truly hear what the other is saying, you know? It's not just about the sound of words, but about really taking in the message, the feelings behind it, and what it means to the other person, pretty much. This often looks like one person talking while the other is already forming their reply, or maybe just waiting for their turn to speak, sort of.

When someone isn't listening well, they might interrupt a lot, or change the subject quickly, you know? They might also seem distracted, perhaps looking at their phone or thinking about something else entirely, like your. This makes the speaker feel unheard and unimportant, which can really hurt a bond, you know. It creates a sense of being alone in the conversation, basically.

A person might ask a question, but then not really pay attention to the answer, or forget what was said almost immediately, so. This kind of interaction, or lack thereof, chips away at trust and closeness over time, you know? It's a bit like trying to have a conversation with a wall, which is not very satisfying, honestly.

Frequent Mix-Ups and Misunderstandings

When communication isn't working well, simple messages can get twisted, or just plain lost, you know? This means couples often find themselves confused about what the other person meant, or why they reacted in a certain way, kind of. It’s like playing a game of telephone where the original message gets totally changed by the end, you know.

This often happens because people assume they know what their partner thinks or feels, without actually checking, sort of. Or, they might use vague words, leaving too much open to interpretation, you know? For example, saying "You never help" instead of "I feel overwhelmed when the dishes aren't done," can lead to a big argument, pretty much.

These frequent mix-ups can lead to a lot of frustration and repeated arguments about the same things, you know? Each person feels like the other just "doesn't get it," and that feeling can build up a lot of resentment, you know. It makes it hard to feel like you're on the same team, which is a bit sad, really.

Avoiding Important Conversations

Another clear sign of communication trouble is when couples steer clear of important or difficult topics, you know? Maybe they avoid talking about money, or raising children, or even their feelings about certain situations, like your. This avoidance can come from a fear of arguments, or perhaps a belief that talking won't change anything, so.

When big issues are left unsaid, they don't just disappear, you know? They tend to fester and grow, often showing up later as resentment, passive-aggressive actions, or even a sudden explosion of anger over something small, you know? It's like sweeping dirt under the rug, which eventually makes the whole room messy, you know.

This habit of avoiding can make a marriage feel less real, less honest, you know? It creates a distance where partners don't truly know what the other is thinking or feeling about the important things in life, sort of. It also stops any real problem-solving from happening, which is a big deal, really.

Pointing Fingers and Blaming

In marriages with poor communication, conversations often turn into a blame game, you know? Instead of working together to solve a problem, each person focuses on who is at fault, or who did something wrong, you know? This can make every discussion feel like an attack, basically.

When someone feels blamed, their natural reaction is to get defensive, or perhaps even lash out, you know? This shuts down any chance of real understanding or finding a solution, you know? It turns partners into opponents rather than teammates, which is definitely not good, pretty much.

Using "you" statements like "You always do this" or "You never listen" is a common way this plays out, you know? These statements make the other person feel judged and accused, and they often lead to a cycle of defensiveness and counter-blame, you know. It's a very unhelpful way to try and talk about things, honestly.

The Silent Treatment and Pulling Away

Silence can be a very loud form of poor communication, you know? When one or both partners regularly use the silent treatment, or just pull away and stop talking when things get tough, it's a big red flag, you know? This isn't about taking a moment to cool down; it's about shutting the other person out, sort of.

The person receiving the silent treatment often feels confused, hurt, and maybe even punished, you know? They might try to reach out, but if met with continued silence, they eventually stop trying, you know? This creates a deep sense of isolation and can make someone feel very alone in the relationship, very.

This pulling away also prevents any issues from being resolved, you know? Problems just linger, creating more distance and resentment over time, you know? It's a way of avoiding conflict, but it actually causes a different, perhaps even deeper, kind of harm, you know.

A Shortage of Kind Words

Communication isn't just about solving problems; it's also about showing affection, appreciation, and just generally being kind, you know? In marriages with communication problems, there's often a noticeable lack of these positive verbal exchanges, you know? Compliments, words of thanks, or even simple "I love yous" might become rare, pretty much.

When partners don't hear words of warmth or encouragement, they can start to feel unappreciated, or perhaps even unloved, you know? This absence of positive talk can make the whole atmosphere of the marriage feel cold or unsupportive, you know? It's like trying to grow a plant without water, which is not going to work, you know.

This isn't just about big romantic gestures, but the small, everyday words that show care and connection, you know? When these little affirmations disappear, the emotional bank account of the marriage starts to run very low, you know? It leaves both people feeling less secure and less valued, sort of.

Keeping Score of Past Wrongs

Some couples, when communication is poor, tend to bring up old arguments or past mistakes during current disagreements, you know? This is like keeping a mental list of all the times their partner has messed up, and then using it as ammunition, you know? It makes it impossible to deal with the present issue, basically.

When past hurts are constantly rehashed, it stops any real progress from happening, you know? It means issues are never truly resolved, just put on hold until the next fight, you know? This creates a cycle of unresolved conflict and bitterness, which is really tough to break, pretty much.

This habit also makes it very hard for either person to feel truly forgiven or to move forward, you know? Every new argument becomes a chance to reopen old wounds, which makes the relationship feel very heavy and burdened, you know. It's a way of using the past to hurt the present, honestly.

Dismissing What the Other Person Feels

When someone's feelings are brushed aside, or told they are "wrong" or "silly," it's a huge sign of communication trouble, you know? This is called invalidation, and it makes the person feel like their inner world doesn't matter, or isn't real, you know? Phrases like "You shouldn't feel that way" or "That's ridiculous" are examples, pretty much.

This dismissal can lead to a person shutting down emotionally, you know? They might stop sharing their true feelings because they expect to be judged or misunderstood, you know? This creates a deep emotional distance and can make one partner feel very alone, very.

Healthy communication involves acknowledging and respecting a partner's feelings, even if you don't fully agree with them, you know? When this respect is missing, the emotional connection weakens, and it becomes much harder to truly support each other, you know. It's a bit like telling someone their pain isn't real, which is incredibly hurtful, sort of.

Assuming and Guessing What Others Think

In marriages with poor communication, partners often fall into the trap of assuming they know what the other person is thinking or intending, you know? Instead of asking directly, they make guesses and then react to those guesses, which are often wrong, you know? This leads to a lot of unnecessary conflict, basically.

For example, one person might think, "They left the dishes in the sink just to annoy me," when the reality might be they were rushing out the door, you know? These assumptions, when unverified, can build up into big misunderstandings and resentment, you know? It's like playing detective with wrong clues, you know.

This habit of mind-reading stops genuine dialogue from happening, you know? It means people are reacting to their own ideas of what's happening, rather than the actual situation, you know? This can make conversations feel like they are happening on two different planets, which is not very helpful, honestly.

Stuck in Bad Talk Habits

Sometimes, poor communication looks like a repeating cycle of negative interactions, you know? This might be constant bickering, or a pattern where one person yells and the other withdraws, or maybe where every discussion turns into an argument, you know? These patterns can feel impossible to break, pretty much.

These ingrained habits often mean that couples aren't really listening to understand, but rather to respond, or to defend themselves, you know? The focus shifts from connection to winning an argument, or just surviving the conversation, you know? It makes every interaction feel like a battle, which is really draining, very.

Breaking these patterns requires both people to recognize them and commit to trying something different, you know? It’s hard work, but it's essential for a healthier way of talking, you know? Without changing these habits, the marriage can feel like it's stuck in a rut, sort of.

Questions People Often Ask

What are the main signs of poor communication in a marriage?

The main signs often include not truly listening to each other, frequent mix-ups about what was said, avoiding important discussions, pointing fingers and blaming, and using the silent treatment, you know? Also, a shortage of kind words and a tendency to keep score of past wrongs are big indicators, you know. These actions make it hard for partners to feel heard or understood, basically.

How does poor communication affect a marriage over time?

Over time, poor communication can lead to a growing emotional distance between partners, you know? It can cause feelings of loneliness, resentment, and a lack of trust, you know? Arguments might become more frequent or more intense, and partners might stop trying to solve problems together, you know. It can also make intimacy suffer, both emotional and physical, pretty much.

Can poor communication be fixed in a marriage?

Yes, poor communication can definitely be improved, you know? It takes effort and a willingness from both partners to learn new ways of talking and listening, you know? This might involve learning to express feelings clearly, practicing active listening, or seeking guidance from a marriage counselor, you know? It’s a process, but it's possible to build stronger communication habits, honestly.

Moving Towards Better Ways of Talking

Recognizing what poor communication looks like is the very first step toward making things better in your marriage, you know? It's like seeing the problem clearly before you can even think about fixing it, you know? Once you spot these signs, you can start to think about different ways of interacting, pretty much.

Improving how you talk to each other takes patience and a willingness to learn, you know? It means trying to listen with an open mind, expressing your feelings without blame, and facing difficult topics together, you know? It’s about building a connection where both people feel safe to share their thoughts and feelings, honestly.

For more helpful ideas on strengthening your bond, you can Learn more about building stronger connections on our site, you know. Sometimes, a little outside help can make a big difference, too it's almost. You can also find valuable insights on relationship dynamics by visiting an external resource like The Gottman Institute's blog, which has many useful articles, you know. Also, consider exploring this page for practical advice on everyday interactions, sort of.